Shorbisms
Sillies, Sayings, Sarcasms and Some Seriousness
shorbism n : clever blog that is uniquely Shorb
(New blog posts added regularly)
Things I Notice That No One Else Cares About
A barbeque restaurant near our house that is not particularly large, has 10 ceiling fans.
All four Gameday hosts had breast pocket hankies..
The posted capacity in UF Health Radiology is 58, but there are only 39 chairs.
A hotel elevator inspection notice where I stayed was expired.
I see lights burned out in a string, in the ceiling, or under a canopy, anywhere.
I saw a missing stem cap on a car tire in Seattle.
The words most often repeated on television are, “Don’t go away; we’ll be right back!”
The second most often repeated words are, “Call now!”
The biggest lie told on television is, “We’ll be right back!”
The ketchup served in Rick Wright’s bar on the show Magnum P.I. is not Heinz.
In the logo of BBC America, “America” is misspelled.
In Candy Crush, Tiffi’s sister is “Kimmy.” Wouldn’t parents spell them Tiffi and Kimmi, or Tiffy and Kimmy?
I noticed the wrong use of principal/principle on my colonoscopy instruction sheet.
I notice mistletoe in the trees when I travel.
While standing, I dress with my right foot first. While sitting, I dress with my left foot first. Always. Without thinking.
I cannot snap my fingers. It’s physically impossible. I’ve never met anyone else with this deficiency.
I notice if your glasses are crooked.
Some of My Friends in Ryazan, Russia
Let’s Remember to Pray for the People in Russia
During my four visits to Russia, I made friends with a large extended family, some interpreters, and some officials in the Russian Peace Foundation. I have kept in regular contact with one of the interpreters, who lives and works in Moscow (Most of my other friends do not speak English). On my first visit a few years after the breakup of the Soviet Union, I was scheduled to stay with a Russian family. I was petrified, not knowing what to expect. I found this welcoming family to be loving and friendly, just what we would expect staying with an American family here at home. When we went on our way a few days later, I wept because I didn’t want to leave. You see, Russian folks are not at all what the media might lead us to believe. They work hard, go to church, treasure their families, and sacrifice to keep their loved ones healthy and safe. 144 million Russians need prayer too in these uncertain times.
I just read that all the McDonald’s in Russia are permanently closed. That’s 62,000 people in 850 restaurants who have lost their jobs. Of course, there are plenty of other Western companies that are also no longer doing business in Russia. I ate in the first McDonald’s in Moscow. I couldn’t believe how large it was, two stories! The menu was basic; they didn’t have a lot of the same items we are accustomed to eating. But they had served over 30,000 Russians the first day it opened in 1990.
Does it bother anyone else…
…That slower RV rigs take Interstate highways and jeopardize everyone’s safety.
…That they still haven’t figured out how to make legal pads with sheets that tear off cleanly at the perforation.
…That sportscasters have limited vocabularies, using colloquialisms over and over. Are the players really “wide open” or “in the trenches?” I find no football field usage of “trenches” in the dictionary. And where is “in the paint?” They say “move the chains,” even if there is only one chain.
…That my septic tank has neither a location marker nor a fullness gauge.
…That they now claim to have different flavors of Frosty. If it’s not Chocolate, it’s not a Frosty!
…That folks say “Hi” to their dog on The Price Is Right’s “Do you want to say hi?”
…That parents take small children to a restaurant, and let them scream unendingly? When my children were young and couldn’t be kept quiet, we didn’t go out to eat. When they got older and had a meltdown in a restaurant, we took them out in consideration of others. I think part of the problem is that the other children are never taken to Worship and taught to be quiet.
….That on America’s Funniest Videos, 3rd place gets more recognition than 2nd place?
…That they still yell your name at the doctor’s office when it’s your turn to go back? First, it’s often rude, especially if the patient is hearing impaired. Second, it violates privacy. Isn’t there a better way?
Speaking of privacy, why do we have to speak our date of birth out loud for everyone to hear? I don’t want other patients in the waiting room to hear my name and my date of birth!
…That there are 15 different law firms advertising locally for personal injury/accident victims. One says it’s the largest in the country; another says it’s the largest in the universe.
…That there are 11 different law firms advertising on Ocala FL television for Camp LeJeune bad-water victims.
…That a frequently-used ad on a video game for another game says that there are no ads.
WHY IZZIT?
…That Jason Bourne never wore a disguise?
…That ordinary hunters have never captured a Sasquach or an outer space alien?
…That no restaurant “Happy Birthday” singers can keep a tune?
…That actors in commercials with musical instruments don’t have any idea how to play them? Are there no musician actors?
…That there are no left-handed grocery aisles.
…That there are no left-handed pianos? We have left-handed guitars.
…That no one has invented a device that makes it impossible for a truck to jackknife?
…That there are medium eggs but no small?
What if…
In the song, “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone,” what if Jose Feliciano DIDN’T know? Email me if you get this.
What if you lose weight and you DON’T feel better?
What should you feed your dog if he’s NOT family?
Commercials That Make No Sense
A guy plays a piano glissando on an old pump organ.
“The future is here.”
“Nothing is everything.”
“When they’re gone, they’re gone.”
Fine print at the bottom of an ALLstate ad: “Not available in all states.”
“Age is just a number…and mine’s unlisted.” If age is just a number, why do you care if someone knows what it is?
“Easiest decision in the history of decisions.” And then he says, “Is it really even a decision?” If it’s not a decision, how can it be the easiest in history?
“Enjoy the go.” Like toilet paper is going to make anyone enjoy taking a dump. And it’s “back there,” not “down there.”
“Don’t take this medication if you’re allergic to it.”
“Don’t take this drug for metastatic breast cancer if you are nursing.” I’m not sure if that is more insulting to a cancer patient or a nursing mother.
All new drug names must have a q, v, x, y, or z in the name. It’s a rule.
A major restaurant chain has a “New Classic Chicken.” I think that’s an oxymoron.
Speaking of oxymorons, how about a “Double Whopper Junior?”
“What is the internet’s favorite shaver”? The internet shaves?!?
A guy says, “I’m not ready to lose my hair, not now.” Will he ever be ready?
A bunch of vegetables cheer for no reason.
If all you need to do to check your zip code is call a Medicare Supplement business, why don’t they just publish a list of qualified zip codes?
When you gotta have a taco…and then the person gets a burrito.
“All you need is a phone and a finger,” and then he uses his thumb.
Everyone is NOT talking about Navage.
“The reason I work in a zoo is because of the animals.”
“The thing I love best about Chick-fil-a is the chicken.”
THOUGHTS FROM MY FOUR VISITS TO RUSSIA
Cathedral of the Assumption, Moscow Kremlin, Built 1475-79
The media talks about “The” Kremlin as though there is only one, in the city of Moscow. However, Kremlin means “fortress,” and several of the old cities in Russia have a Kremlin. A Kremlin is a walled citadel that centuries ago served as a place of safety, both physically and spiritually. If you are fortunate enough to visit a kremlin, expect to see beautiful churches and monasteries that are still active, ministering to the community in various ways. The Moscow Kremlin has beautiful churches/cathedrals filled with hundreds of gorgeous icons of Jesus, the apostles, and others.
Ryazan Kremlin
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